


ABANDONED - Falling Without Anything To Hold Onto

by Crazy Unicorn Man (FayTheGay)



Series: Abandoned Project [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alternate Universe, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other, universe jumping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 19:22:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14754792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FayTheGay/pseuds/Crazy%20Unicorn%20Man
Summary: I am officially declaring this project ABANDONED. I simply don't have motivation or interest in this trainwreck of a project and I'm willing to admit to do this particular project, I should've put a lot more thought into it.They'd known it was coming, Death had warned them, yet nothing could've prepared them for what it was. Not in a million years. The walls of the universes were paper thin, gateways cracking open everywhere, and not one of them knew what the cause was or how to solve it.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> ABANDONED
> 
> This will be the final main story in the Falling verse. It will be styled significantly differently than any of the others and I _highly_ recommend the Falling doc located [here](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1UKxtl2GCya_j2Nocme8zVITmg0ar6h8ZU-SuuHbyI-o/edit?usp=sharing). This one's going to be a bit confusing so apologies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I started writing this on 12/09/17 and unofficially finished it on 12/11/17. I shouldn’t have but I did. I’m noting this because I’m curious how long it will take me to finish FITHOTM and FSIFY from this point.  
> Credit where it’s due. Dæmons referenced are from the His Dark Materials series. I snagged the idea of Rumsfield being Bobby’s dæmon from [Ravensong by ScrollingKingfisher](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10319507/chapters/22816658).

.-~*~-.

" _Reality is that which when you stop believing in it, it doesn't go away._ "

~Philip K. Dick

 .-~*~-.

In a realm of infinite possibilities there are a hundred thousand different worlds with a hundred thousand different potential outcomes. Usually the differences are minor, insignificant little things. They branch off of larger reality streams and they aren’t vitally important. Until they are. Sometimes, though rarely, a single reality breaks off in a way that fractures the very way that things are meant to be. Sometimes the repercussions are so drastic that not just one reality and its offshoots are affected. Sometimes, the ripples of damage are so large that the consequences are catastrophic on a scale that no one could really imagine.

It could be something as insignificant as a single word, a movement by the wrong entity at the wrong time, even a breath of air breathed in the wrong way. The fact of the matter is that it is possible, and looking back on it, it was honestly inevitable. Sooner or later, it was bound to come apart, and the one responsible was unavoidable.

You don’t know me, and I don’t know you. I’m just the mouthpiece. I guess it all really started with us. Call me boundless, endless, arrogant, or nothing. I’ve brought together tales of the events corresponding over the last hundred years -and you can argue the logistics of that at a later point. Everything you’ve seen started a hundred years ago-, and now I’m dying. Which I would gladly blame you for if you weren’t simply a bystander to the chaos. That’s the joys of Reality. I get to tell you the tale as it truly happened, whether anyone wants to know or not. It wasn’t just the light or the dark, it wasn’t oblivion or death or even life. It was just a matter of a state of _being_. It wasn’t you, or me, or really even them. It was just something that happened. I don’t blame them for it, because it really isn’t their fault.

 

**Dalara Lee Valentine’s Journal**

**KEEP OUT**

April 7th 1977

 _I met a girl today. She might be the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I had to pinch myself because I was not sure. But she is real. A real human being and I think I might be in love. I normally don’t fall for the love at first sight stuff but there is something about her that just calls to me and I want more of her for the rest of my life God be damned. I’m just worried she won’t see me the same and if anyone finds out I’m like this it could end horribly but I think for her its worth it._ _Those two guys in Washington tried to get married, it’s got to mean something for us, right? On another note she bought me this. This journal I mean. I never thought I’d be the diary type but I guess what the hell right?_

_The girl? Her name is Lilly._

April 7th 1978

_I have always been a fan of symbolism. I don’t know why but there’s always been something that fascinated me about just doing stuff on dates corresponding to other dates. Maybe its stupid but I don’t think it is. Maybe it has something to do with the significance of placing things in an orderly fashion. I mean it makes sense. I have my morning routine and the rules I have that keep me from looking at a woman too long. I guess I’m veering though. I like the connotations and I met her a year ago today. We are friends now and I’m pretty sure I’ve seen her look at me too. Have I mentioned that I’m in love with her? Lilly is the love of my life and tonight she’s either going to break my heart or we’ll get our own little version of a happily ever after. Well as long as we hide it. Until later._

_She thought I was making fun of her until I kissed her._

April 7th 1978

_Today was our first anniversary. I risked it and took her out to eat. We held hands and got a lot of looks and after I dropped her off I was cornered. I know this is my own personal journal but there’s something about putting what happened on paper that makes it real. If I ignore it it will go away on its own. It was a good day though. I checked on her after the incident and she was fine. Now I am just at home and after I finish this I’m going to take a long hot bath._

May 14th 1979

 _~~I never thought much on the Jane Collective. I guess it doesn’t matter now, but it did then. I’m just rambling I guess. I don’t know why~~ _ _I remember when I was younger. My mother was a very unpleasant woman and all the time she told me that our bloodline was cursed and that she should have got rid of me. I don’t wish she had. I am grateful that she kept me ~~but now I wonder~~ but it also makes me think I’m cursed too. I don’t think I’ll ever find out.  _

June 10th 1979

 _Lilly and I met an angel today. I thought I was crazy, you know. I heard an angel. A damned angel, but I wasn’t. It was **real**. ~~I never thought much on religion and~~ Despite everything I know he’s real. Ion is real. I felt him and he became part of me. He is the best thing that has ever happened to us. An angel of God and he approves of it. Of us. We are not an abomination to him because its true. We are **right**_ **.** _We were meant for each other. Maybe someday the world will see it true. Maybe we’ll get to be us without the judging eyes. I just want to take her to a park or something and kiss her in public. We hid in an alley the other day and- well that’s our secret. It was dirty and wrong but I don’t regret it and I don’t think she does either. I hope she doesn’t. Ion told me that we’re soulmates. I guess it means we were meant for each other or something but he doesn’t explain much about that part of it._

August 4th 1979

_Last night Ion told me something. I don’t really understand it but he called Lilly his soul. It has something to do with him being a guardian angel or something. I don’t really know. What I do know is that I’m pretty sure he’s in love with her too and while I know it should be weird it really isn’t. It feels right, you know? Like the three of us are meant to be or something. I mean, I don’t have an interest in him and I know he doesn’t with me but there is something special about the connection between the three of us and it is almost endearing._

April 7th 1980

_I’m proposing tonight. Sometimes I think back on that day we met and I wonder what would have happened if I had not said hello. I was almost too scared to. My life’s genuinely lighter with her around and it’s a good thing I think because she makes me happy in a way that I never expected was possible. I want to marry her even if I can’t do it legally and I know it can happen because I have an angel in me most the time and he’s promised to stand over our wedding. I don’t know if she’ll say yes though. I want her to. I need her to say yes so bad that it hurts._

April 8th 1980

_She said yes._

December 21st 1980

_Ion came to me today and told me that something is going on in heaven and I’m not sure what it means but I’m worried because he normally doesn’t keep things from Lilly. He doesn’t want us to worry but I am concerned. I told him to stay out of whatever it is but he told me he is already too tied up in it._

April 7th 1981

_I’ve been talking with Lilly and I think we might move south. Weird I know since all them are so religious and uptight but I’m tired of the north. I want to move south. I’m trying to convince Lilly to travel the world with me. It sounds crazy and to be fair it is crazy. I think that’s the best part of it though. We’re crazy. The good kind of crazy. I wanted to make a milestone moment of the day I outright asked about it. This will be the first anniversary that Ion will be present for and it’s weird to think that it won’t just be us but it also feels right. I know how he feels about her and it should bother me but it doesn’t because he loves her just as much as I do._

April 8th 1981

_Last night we had sex and Ion was still possessing me. It wasn’t really a bad thing. It was just strange. I want to do it again though. Ion just enhances everything and makes it so much better._

September 21st 1981

_Tomorrow is my 21st birthday. I think it’s stupid since I could cross the border into New York and drink whenever but Lilly insists that since we live in Pennsylvania that we should celebrate my new status as a 21 year old so we’re going out to a bar. I’m kind of worried I’m going to get drunk since Ion will not be there but if I’m honest we’re going south in two months so I don’t care if anyone sees us together. She’s my fiancee and I love her._

September 22nd 1981

_~~I~~ _

_~~Sometimes I want to and~~ _

_~~Today was supposed to be~~ _

_~~I can’t comprehend the level of~~ _

_~~I remember one point in time when I convinced myself if I didn’t say it that it couldn’t be real. More than a month later I learned that the world doesn’t work like that. I have to say this, yet I don’t want to and~~ _

_~~Tonight Ion broke his promise. We were at a bar and another angel came. Apparently Ion was looking at something he shouldn’t have and~~ _

_Lilly is dead._

September 24th 1981

_I don’t think I’ll ever write in this again. I just can’t look at it anymore. I can’t. I’m sorry, Lilly. I’m so sorry. I love you._

July 2nd 1982

_I don’t remember the last time I looked at this. I remember when the cover was white, now it’s just sort of light brown. I think I’m losing my mind though. I discovered this thing and well it’s weird. I was talking to this man about the angels because honestly I don’t care if I am called crazy anymore and he told me about this stuff. He told me not to share his real name but since I don’t carry this journal on me I think it’s safe. His name is Rufus Turner and he’s a bastard but he’s smart. He told me about what he does and apparently that he has since he was a kid and I know he’s got the best of intentions and can be an ass about it but I can’t help but wonder something else. It’s bad to think this way and I know it is but at the same time I can’t help but think._

September 22nd 1982

_I remember a time when I liked making dates mean more by doing multiple things on them. It feels like a lifetime ago and it might’ve been. I’ve done a lot since I last talked and I guess I’m just not the same person anymore. Rufus works me hard on training and picks me up when I’ve drunk myself into a stupor but I’m doing something stupid tonight. It’s crazy I know it is. I’m taking it for what it is though. I can’t keep pretending everything will be fine when I know that she won’t forgive me for it but I can’t bear to go on knowing this. Ion told me she couldn’t be brought back but I know better now. Maybe an angel couldn’t do it but I know now that a demon can. I just have to make a deal. I’m not afraid. I probably should be but I’m not. Hell in ten years is worth it if I get to spend them knowing she’s alive._

_It didn’t work._

September 23rd 1982

_I guess I am going to hell. It’s weird to think about but it’s true. I sold my ~~soul~~ **Soul** and that bastard demon lied to me. I hate it but Rufus did warn me I guess. So I’m going to Hell in ten years. This is the last time that I’ll write in here. I’m going to do this thing with Rufus now. It’s called hunting and it’s really strange but it’s the only thing I can think of doing that avenges her. If I can send just a few of those demons back to Hell it will all be worth it in the end. I hope. I’m going to break into the graveyard and leave this with her._

_I love you Lilly._

 

**Hunting Journal**

**If you’re reading this I better be dead**

September 30th 1982

 _~~Rufus~~ _ _My mentor gave this to me. Apparently hunters use them to keep track of what they kill though I don’t really understand why. I guess referencing back on future hunts, even though I’ve only got ten years it’s probably worth keeping track of. I almost died tonight. Why doesn’t that scare me? I really hope I’m not losing my mind. It was something called a ~~roogaroo~~ no sorry he just corrected me. I wish he wasn’t being a nosy asshole. It was a rougarou. I saved my mentor’s life and the thing’s son. Well I tried to. Apparently its genetic and is it wrong that I don’t regret letting him kill the kid? I know I should but it’s like something inside of me is dead. I’m just tired I guess. My point is that I killed a person today with a flamethrower and watched their child burn alive too and I just don’t care. They were monsters. Some part of me wishes it had been an angel though. I’m so angry with Heaven._

October 16th 1982

_Second hunt. It was a ghost. I dug up a grave for the second time in my life and I poured salt and gasoline on the bones before burning them. It was hard and I hurt everywhere but I feel like if it wasn’t for him pushing me every day and forcing me to train that I would’ve died. I don’t want to ramble in this because it’s supposed to be about the hunt._

December 24th 1982

_ Lake George Colorado; four hikers missing in two months; ~~Unknown~~ Wendigo _

_We found a cavern up in the mountainy area where the thing was keeping its victims. I broke my left arm and fractured my right rib but I survived. It shouldn’t be an issue anymore._

January 15th 1983

_Rufus told me to fuck off. He found out that I’ve been talking to these witches and using them for help on my hunts. They’re clean but he doesn’t seem to think so. I guess that’s up for the call of the rest of the community when they ultimately find out. I think that when I’m in Hell I’ll just pretend that it was working with the witches that led me there._

February 25th 1983

_ Manatoba Florida; three men and two women found with their throats ripped out; ~~Unknown~~ Vampire? _

_I don’t know what it was but I managed to cut its head off and that seemed to keep it down. I tried silver bullets and they didn’t work. The surviving victim said it was drinking blood but Rufus told me that vampires were extinct. The woman I saved was a good person. I liked her and almost asked her to come to dinner. At least until I remembered I was dying._

March 4th 1982

_I was in Pennsylvania today. I almost went to see her before I stopped myself. There’s no point. She’s locked up tight in Heaven and there’s no going back._

March 5th 1982

_ Madison Connecticut; three victims killed; witch _

_I met another hunter while I was here. She was nice, kind, and of course she knew who I was because apparently the entire damned community gossips like schoolgirls. I don’t care. She was understanding, and she helped me with the witch. It was a nice break from everything else. The witch is dead and I’m moving on again._

December 14th 1983

_ Jackson, Missouri; three men and two women mauled to death by dog; unknown _

_I arrived in town today and something feels off. I don’t know what it is but it’s got me feeling a lot of dread. I called Bobby Singer and told him and he told me he’d send another hunter my way if he could find someone. We really need a better means of communication. I’ve got to talk to the morgue lady today._

 

**Dalara Lee Valentine’s Journal**

**KEEP OUT**

September 22nd 1993

_I never thought I’d dig the love of my life’s grave up twice but I did. I needed this back because I needed to know it existed and that it was real and I just can’t begin to explain the level of disorientation that comes with resurrection. I died. I know I died. I was dead for a long time and I hate this day more than I have ever hated anything in my life. I hate it so damned much. I’ve been alive for six hours now and I just can’t stand it. I’m terrified but I’m more terrified of the idea of dying again. I don’t know left from right or up from down and all I know for sure is that the only reason this thing is still in tact is because I wrapped it in plastic._

September 23rd 1993

_I guess I should explain myself and since I’m still not sure this is real I won’t waste my time explaining the nitty gritty. I’ve spent the last ten years in Hell. I vividly remember having my insides torn out by Hellhounds and their teeth ripping into my Soul as they dragged me to Hell. Apparently my last hunt was Hellhounds and they found me before I found them. I guess it goes to show that you don’t hunt what you don’t know alone._

December 15th 1994

_I don’t use this journal ~~much~~ anymore but I feel like it belongs here rather than the hunting journal. I was at The Roadhouse visiting with Ellen Harvelle and I saw this kid. His name was Gabriel Shurley and he was with his father Chuck. I wanted to take the kid and drag him out of there. There was something else though. I don’t know what but something about him just screamed at me to help him. I haven’t really considered caring about anyone’s well being since I got back from Hell but I kind of want to help him. _

October 2nd 1996

_Gabriel Shurley is my brother. It’s crazy but I guess it’s how the world turns. I was talking to Nex this morning and she spilled those beans. I think you’d like him, Lilly. I’ve met him a couple times and he’s a stupid kid but he’s a good person. Apparently he’s been staying with Ellen, Will, and Jo and I can’t say that’s a bad thing. They’re good people but I know he hates it there. I’m going to meet him proper just for the sake of getting it out there._

July 14th 2004

_Today was weird and I wanted to tell you about it, Lil. I don’t really know when I started talking to you with this but that’s what this is. It’s me talking to you since I’ll ~~probably~~ never see you again. This hunt was weird. It was really fucking weird. Today we fell through this ~~dimensional~~ tear in reality where we met these people. They had these animals and from what I can tell they were Souls. They called them daemons, spelt with an a. That isn’t all though. ~~I met this~~ ~~Well it was~~ Gabe found Bobby there. Except it wasn’t him. He helped us though. Got us back where we belong. His daemon was a dog named Rumsfield. It was all a little surreal. The entire atmosphere around that portal was staticky and alive. It was terrifying. I don’t get scared anymore, but it was terrifying. I just wanted to talk about this because it seemed important. _

May 12th 2010

_Tomorrow I’m going to say yes to the devil and crawl into Hell with her. I hope. There’s so many flaws in this plan and to be honest I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do it. I just can’t tell Gabe though. I can’t break his heart like that. After everything we sacrificed I just can’t comprehend it. Sam’s in the wind and Dean’s dead so it’s just us and when it’s all over and done with I know he’s going to be alone. Bobby won’t be able to keep him from bailing and I think he’ll probably kill himself. He’s been in this to long to come out clean and I just hope that when he goes to Heaven his angel suffers for abandoning him._

_Anyways. I guess this is it, Lil. I’m bringing this with me tomorrow and it’ll probably burn one way or another._

_I love you, Lilly._

 

**Dal Shurley’s Journal**

December 10th 2010

_My name is Dal Shurley. Dalara Valentine is dead. It’s weird putting this on a computer but I guess when you carry an Archangel to Hell all belongings on your person get burned up upon entry. At least I think that’s it. I’m kinda fuzzy on the details. I never thought I’d do this but I guess it’s one of those things that you got me into, Lil. There’s so much that I’ve forgotten. When I was down there Luci kinda tore me in half. Literally. I’m scared. Not just of what it means to be only half of a Soul but what it means that I’m back. I’ve died countless times but this is different. I didn’t come back whole and God I wish Gabe had just left me down there. I couldn’t really tell after Hell the first time but this time’s different. I’m missing huge patches of time and memories. I never realized how much of me was consumed by the demon but now I know and I want her back bad. I’m not me and I know Gabe sees it. I try to stay out of his way but I just can’t. I don’t talk with my accent anymore. Not worth the effort._

December 15th 2010

_My first hunt back was today and I froze up. I shouldn’t have, but I did. I couldn’t kill the man and it just… Well it doesn’t matter. I’ve been sidelined for hunts. By some miracle Gabe convinced Sam to try to find a way to break my demon deal which says all kinds of things since Sam’s hardly talking to him. I hate it._

October 26th 2015

_I haven’t journaled in a long time. To be honest I didn’t think I ever would again. Go figure that it’s now and God I’m tired. I don’t understand why I’m not dead. I want to be. It just seems that Gabe is too stubborn of a dick to let it stick. I know it’s because we can’t break my hell deal but to be honest I don’t fucking care anymore. I’ve been alive for almost 60 earth years. If it wasn’t for Nex I’d be rotting away slow. Instead I look like I’m physically nearing my forties and I’m just so damned tired of all the bullshit. God’s sister is out and I think the world’s going to die. It’s bullshit and some part of me hopes it does. If Amara hadn’t taken your vision I’d be worried you’d read this. I guess I’ll say it though if by some bullshit joke you’re screwing with me and can actually see. I wish that the damned Mark of Cain had killed me because living like this is torture. Actually, I don’t care if I die anymore. God strike me down!_

January 4th 2016

_I argued with Gabe. We’re on a hunt and I wanted to go out to drink. Since he’s blind as a bat he can’t really do anything besides rely on his instincts and inconsistent usage of touch screen verbal technology and I’m fed up with being the research monkey. Something’s really wrong. I feel it as clear as day and I don’t like being here. There air almost… staticky. I don’t understand it but… I’m afraid. Ever since the Mark turned me into a demon again I’ve felt more me, but I haven’t been afraid since before then. It’s disturbing. There’s something seriously wrong in this town. Thirteen people are missing without a trace but no bodies are coming up and everything just feels… Oh God. I remember this with the daemons._


	2. Gabriel Novak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After careful consideration, I believe the chapters for this fic will be much shorter than my usual 5k goal. It’s a bit of a pain in the ass to try to get those counts when you’re not completely sure where things are going.  
> Trigger warning: For those that didn’t catch on in the preface, this particular version of Dal is severely depressed. There are mentions of suicide which may not be handled as well as they should be. There are also references to the state of the angels in Heaven back in FIMWTO. You have been warned.

.-~*~-.

_Good news, they had a sister. Bad news, that sister was a demon sitting in the basement._

~Gabriel Novak, FIMWTO

*~-.-~*

 

Gabriel Novak jerked awake head whipping around as a scream resounded from a distance. Was that- “Dal!” He shouted, more out of instinct than anything than- _wait_. That wasn’t his sister. His sister was dead. Some weird alter ego of his sister…

Where was he? The room had walls covered in old Playboy centerfolds from every damned era, a giant tub of candies sat on the end table, and a dresser with an old box TV on it was at the end of the table, Doctor Who playing out of the speakers at a super low volume.

 _Static_. His throat closed a bit and horror clawed through him as he remembered-

Dal -but not his sister- had knocked him over the head with a damned baseball bat. Was she serious? and- crap the scream. Without thinking too hard on what the hell was going on he allowed years of hunting instincts to take over, jumping to his feet and stumbling out the door as he listened for any sound that might help him more… “Dal!” He called out again, and there was a muffled sound vaguely resembling a sob that came from the left of the corridor he was in, number plates lining each of the doors as he made his way down the dense hallway to where it opened out-

 _Holy hell_.

Gabriel’s mouth fell open at the sight before him. Nailed to a cross in the center of the room was- well it was _him_ and Dal -not his sister, Dalara- was on the floor with her knees pulled to her chest, sobbing brokenly. “Nononononono. Gabe… Oh, God I’m sorry. I just- I was angry and- it was just a nightmare. Please tell me it’s just a nightmare.”

Then there was someone pounding on a door, but Gabriel couldn’t make himself move, his gaze glued to the scene because- Holy Hell how did- _what in the ever-living hell was going on?_

“Congrats, guys.” A voice broke the air and Gabriel’s head whipped up, horror burning through him at the sight of-

 _When did this become my fucking life?_ Because that was Sam- but he _knew better_. Pure raw instinct had panic flaring through his gut and making him want to kill somebody- because it _wasn’t_. Sam, his Samuel, he didn’t dress in white suits, he didn’t smile like he’d just kicked someone’s puppy.

“Get the fuck _out of here_.” Dal hissed vehemently as she rose to her feet.

“Nothing’s more satisfying than this moment. I’ve got to say, I thought I’d be the one that did it but, nope. Oh, was I wrong.”

“Get out of him, or go.”

“Now why would I do that, Dally? No, no, no. I’m rejoicing in my victory.”

 _Lucifer_. Gabriel’s mind screamed at him, and it was so _God damned_ infuriating. They’d _just_ dealt with the damned devil from the Lucifer won reality. This couldn’t mean anything good. His brain was numb, and _how the hell_ had Sam said ‘yes’?

“It’ll be even better when I kill this one.”

“You’re not touching him, Lucifer.” Dal bit out suddenly, stepping in front of him, all the while violently shaking.

“Who’s going to stop me?” Sam-Lucifer asked, disappearing off of the balcony and reappearing inches in front of her. “You? Dal, you couldn’t kill a fly anymore.” Gabriel was suddenly thrown back against the wall, head slamming into brick and causing black spots to dance across his vision and… when was the last time something like that had an effect on him? “You’re so _broken_ , my little doll.” The Fallen Archangel continued on as he grabbed her by the front of her shirt. “I took you apart piece by piece, I singlehandedly split your Soul in _half_. Without your demon, you’re just a girl born to some whore.”

“Without my demon, I’m the woman that Lilly loved.” Dal bit back angrily, voice cracking and it occurred very quickly to him that this version of her was absolutely fucking horrified of her situation. Nothing like the -sometimes- level, strong woman that he knew from his world. “Something you can never be again.” Gabriel jerked against the Archangel’s hold on him as pure unadulterated fury clouded his expression, a look that didn’t belong on Sam’s face. Without thinking Gabriel was struggling to get his hands next to his hip, grabbing for the pocketknife he still had hooked into his belt loop.

“You arrogant little-“

“I want to apologize, I do.” Dal continued on, rolling her shoulders and taking a step back to hold an angel blade at chest level. “But you lost the last God damned thread of sympathy I ever had for you the second you tore me in half.” Gabriel managed to grab the blade, clicked it open while using his not-sister’s voice as a distraction from the sound. “Lilith was a psychotic little monster and dragging you into your Cage for a bratty temper tantrum was the best God damned choice I _ever_ made you mother-“ Bright white light ripped through the room and a gasp tore from his lips and he was sent to his knees on the floor.

“Gabriel-“

“Why… why is he possessed?” Gabriel shoved her hands off because there was no way in hell that he could even attempt to deal with the fact that this girl was anything but his sister. “And… who killed him? Who killed my… counter?” There wasn’t enough brain bleach in the world to get rid of the image of himself nailed to a cross.

“About a month ago… we went to The Cage to deal with Amara. While we were there, Sam… well, he said ‘yes’. I don’t know why-“

“And I just let him?” Gabriel stared, bug-eyed at his sister’s counter.

“You aren’t exactly… close?” When his eyes widened impossibly further she smiled grimly. “I don’t know how different our worlds are but… well, after the whole Apocalypse deal Sam went off to war with Raphael. He never really got over the fact that Dean died saving our asses from big sis.”

“Dean’s dead? I- Dal, I need more to go on. I have no god damned _clue_ what you’re talking about and…” Gabriel looked at the cross again, stomach churning violently. “Who killed him- me? _Why_?”

“That’s…” She shuddered violently, looking anywhere but where he was. “I don’t know.” Tears brimmed in her eyes and he couldn’t help but stare as she started to break down. This was wrong. This was so so _wrong_. His sister… she wasn’t an emotional person. Not unless it came to Lilly. “It’s new. I- oh God I’m sorry, Gabe.” Shivering, she turned around and stared at the version of him on the cross, _her brother_. Images of his own brother flashed across his vision, drenched in blood, dying at his hands.

Gabriel grabbed Dal and dragged her from the room, somehow found his way to a kitchen room as she broke down, began to sob and shake violently.

He wasn’t sure where anything was but the fridge was a simple enough setup that he was able to grab a glass of water from the counter and fill it with ice from the adjoined freezer, throwing on the faucet to fill it with water. Fighting off the trembling and fear that was threatening to break through him he pressed the glass against her lips, helping her as she struggled to down the icy water between her gasping.

“Dal. Breathe… you’ve got to breathe.” Reopening the wound on his hand he added a couple loose banishing sigils across the room, bit hard on his cheek, grabbed a chocolate bar from a pile on the counter. _Gummy worms_. A whole jar sat, untouched and covered in dust in the corner.

“How can you be okay with this!” She demanded of him, pale blue eyes wide and full of pain. “How are you- how are you _level_?”

“How are you not?” Gabriel lifted his eyes, held her tear filled gaze. “What _happened_ to you? Where’s the girl that was tortured by the damned devil for _weeks_ before saying yes? What happened to _that girl_?”

“I was… I thought our worlds were closer… I went into the Cage with… with _her_. Sam pulled me out, he thought I would be helpful because he was at _war_ and… I guess I was. Until-“ She swallowed, took another drink of her ice water as she began to shake again. “Sam realized I was missing a Soul… Souls are… you know, important. You made a deal with Death. Only thing is… I didn’t come back whole.” Licking her lips, Dal laughed sharply. “Lucifer… she ripped me in half. Took the demon out. You used to call me Damsel Dal to Bobby when you thought I wasn’t listening. Sam leaving you… it broke your heart. You became a bit of a dick and I know for a fact that if I was… me. Well, I wouldn’t have put up with it. But… without the demon? Back then? I couldn’t hurt a fly, I couldn’t hunt… I was useless.”

“Dal-“ She ignored him as she continued on. Obviously she wanted to tell him whatever it was that his counterpart had done, like anything could be worse than what Gabriella had done. But to her… well, he definitely hadn’t been a good person. Not for a long time and behind the grief there was a thread of hatred.

“I wanted to die. There was a really long time where I just wanted to _die_. But we kept getting drug into crazy crap and I just kept letting you drag me along. I think you had it in your head that if you kept going along with it all… that Sam would forgive you. Not that Dean’s death has ever been our fault but- well, Sam thinks it is. He never did though and I think most of it was self-loathing from the fact that he hadn’t been there to save him.”

_Sam._

“What happened to my counter? The way you look at me… you look at me like I’m a ghost.”

“My counter.” Gabriel responded bluntly, bitterly and looked away. “ _Gabriella_. She went on a killing spree and I guess you got lucky, missed her. But she came to my reality and she killed a _lot_ of people. Including you. I- I watched you die. I…” Gabriel closed his eyes, stared at his opened chocolate bar, untouched. “I couldn’t save you. You died in front of me and I couldn’t do _anything_ except watch. You look like her, but you are nothing like her. And… I don’t like it, but it might be for the better.”

Dal stared at him for a long moment, “You’re young.”

“Not really.”

“How old are you?”

“It’s a bit complicated. Somewhere in my early forties… technically. I think.”

“I feel like that’s a long story.” He nodded and she made a noise.

“We need to go. Lucifer- I can’t face her again, Gabriel. I _can’t_.” There was an unspoken plea about the body in the front room. He didn’t care too much about either. What he needed to focus on was getting home which meant they needed to travel. This wasn’t some miracle, this wasn’t _his_ sister.

His sister was _gone_. Gabriella had shredded her Soul and there was no magical return for her. Not even some miracle like an alternate reality.

_Samael. I don’t know if you can hear me, but if you can… I’m in another reality. I’m in a world with Dal… Talk to the righting world, Mae. See if they can help and… find me. If you don’t, but if you can hear me… tell Sam I love him. That I miss him._

“You’re praying.”

“Yeah.”

“Who to?”

“Mae.”

Dal gave him a look that screamed every variation of “I have never heard that name before”.

Which confirmed one thing for him. It was almost inherently obvious the moment that the words fell from her lips. Cas didn’t exist here. This world had never had a Castiel. Just like that strange bizzaro world that Mae had created for his memories a lifetime ago.

“In my world, I have a brother, and he has an Archangel. Samael. I- well I fucking hate Mae, but considering the lengths Cas has gone to for her… It’s done.”

“You hate her.”

“Yeah, well Life created her so there’s not much we can do to change it.” Dal was looking at him as though he was a mystery now, the hatred gone from her expression and replaced with a thread of curiosity. “Can we leave?”

“If you’re really okay.” Dal responded with a thread of concern that he bit his tongue against. _This isn’t my sister. This isn’t her._

“No. I’m _not_. My not-boyfriend is possessed by the damned devil and my doppelganger is hanging from a fucking cross.”

“I’m sorry.” She breathed before pushing out of the chair. “We’ll get you home and out of this hell. If we don’t… well, we’ll figure something out. Assuming the world doesn’t end first.”

Gabriel breathed deeply through his nose, thought of where he’d been before he’d been drug away by Skittles. Clear blue skies, Sam laying out on the beach, sand between his toes. It had been so easy to pretend that there wasn’t still a world ending out there. Even when Cas left with Mae he’d been able to ignore any underlying reasons.

“Dal- do you have any ally angels?”

“No.” She admitted as she ducked her head, shoved her hands in her pockets and made her way from the kitchen, going left instead of right. Gabriel looked at the gummy worm jar, hesitated and pulled the lid off, grabbing a handful and shoving them in his pocket before trailing after the white haired woman. “Ion-“

She stopped in her steps, back stiffening visibly and he cursed himself internally.

So they hadn’t had a mass resurrection event.

“-is still dead.” He wasn’t dead in their world, but both him and Lilly had isolated themselves to her Heaven after Dalara died.

“He’s alive in your world?” Dal muttered and wrapped her arms around herself, turned to look at him with a vulnerable look that would never stop being unfamiliar. “I- I have to know… Lilly.”

“Resurrection is banned in my world but- well, God stepped in and She brought the angels back.”

“God. God… _She_? brought the angels back?”

“Yeah,” Gabriel confirmed as they walked. “She’s a woman and she’s a cunt but- well, I guess… she didn’t do all bad.” It was hard to admit that but being here… it made him realize something important. Angel, even in the process of telling her kids she didn’t want to deal with them anymore and potentially becoming suicidal, had helped. She’d saved him, she’d saved Sam, and she’d brought all the angels back.

“What about Souls?”

“Dean.” Gabriel admitted and she shivered slightly before turning and beginning to walk down seemingly endless corridors. Where were they exactly? Where were they going? “I’m sorry, Dal.”

“He died saving us. I still don’t think we were worth it but… well, it is what it is.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I guess I should tell you, since you’re stuck with me.” She sighed heavily, turned into another doorway which opened into a large garage filled with dated vehicles. “I’m… well, I don’t have a lot left to live for, Gabriel. I just… I’m tired. I’ve kept going but it’s been- empty I guess? I’m here but I don’t have much to live for. Not for me, not really even for him and he’s fought so damned _hard_ for me. I wish I could be grateful but I’m not.”

“He wouldn’t let you go.” Just like he’d fought for Cas until there was no other choice. Maybe it wasn’t so illogical. Especially with Sam potentially hating him. If this was Cas would it be so crazy to imagine a similar scenario.

“Not even when I told him to.” Breathing through her nose, she walked him to an old Chevy and pulled open the driver door. “I’m just… tired. You know?”

“More than I wish I did.” Gabriel admitted as he pulled the driver door open and climbed in. The dash had a dried blood on it, a lot of it, and he wondered for a moment what had happened. This hadn’t been the car she picked him up in.

“It’s his.” Dal told him as she turned the key in the ignition, hand visibly shaking again.

“How long did you keep me under?”

She shivered, swallowed. “It’s only been twenty-four hours. I was going to wake you up but he dosed you again because he was worried you’d do something stupid.”

“Like what?”

“Like try to reason with Sam.” She admitted and he laughed sharply, shook his head. It was a funny idea, one he knew he might’ve had if he hadn’t seen Cas possessed by Mae all those years ago. If this Sam was doing this because he wanted to, Gabriel wasn’t going to be able to break through and talk to him. As much as he hated it, he couldn’t stress over the problems of another reality. Not when he had a home to get to.  

“It wouldn’t do any good. Even if I wanted to try, I’m not his Gabriel.”

“No.” Dal muttered, “I suppose you aren’t.”

“Are you okay?”

“Not at all.” She responded, turning the key in the ignition and stepping on the gas. The radio flared to life, _Sex and Candy_ coming over the speakers.

Gabriel held his breath for a moment as he thought of a conversation he’d once had with Sam about this song’s name. A smile crossed his expression as Dal wiped tears from her eyes, driving them from the garage.


	3. Deanna Winchester

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I mentioned complicated? Also, if it wasn’t for the Destiel in this chapter it might’ve taken less time to right. Writing a ship you don’t ship is a pain in the ass.

.-~*~-.

_“That isn’t a family, it’s a freakin’ cult.”_

_~ Deanna Winchester, FITHOTM_

*~-.-~*

There was silence in the Bunker as Deanna Winchester stepped through the doorway. Normally there were two or three people around, but today there wasn’t. It was… quiet. As foreboding as always. Every day that they had a problem finding the solution was another day they were left feeling tired and more hopeless.

_‘Are we visiting Cass or talking to Michael first?’_

“Michael.” The halls were mostly empty except the sight of Skittles the Jack Russel scurrying down the hallway, claws tapping against the marble floor as he moved.

_‘Where’s his dad at?’_

“I don’t know. Skittles,” The dog paused in its steps, turned and tilted his head. “Go. Go find your dad. You aren’t supposed to be out here.” The dog barked defiantly and she groaned.

_‘Pray.’_

“It’s not worth the trouble.” Even if she prayed, it was likely he wouldn’t come to pick his dog up. If he had plans to leave it locked up he’d have done it already.

_‘Pushover.’_

“You could pray.” She countered, grinning at the feeling of Bren’s Spirit curling around hers as they began the walk to the back room that housed the Archangel she needed to speak with.

_‘He wouldn’t listen to me. I’m one of Luci’s followers.’_

“Only technically.” Deanna responded, nudging her companion’s Spirit lightly.

“Talkin’ to yourself again, sugar?” Deanna’s back stiffened slightly and she felt Bren bristle inside of her, the two turning slowly to meet the gaze of the broadly grinning Archangel, Gabriel.

“Which one are you?”

“Who? Little old me?” Licking his lips, the Archangel turned his arm to expose the pulsating Mark of Cain. Perfect. The Gabriel she needed.

“That dog’s not supposed to be out?”

“Says who?” The Archangel countered with a toothy grin, rolling his shoulders lazily.

“Says me, asshole.”

“Ah, but which you? The one that owns this Bunker or-”

“I’m not getting into this argument. You aren’t stupid, Gabriel.”

“True.” Smiling coyly, the Archangel took two steps forward and patted her head. If it wasn’t for past experience she would’ve punched him square in the jaw, instead she stepped aside as Bren took control, placing their hands on the Archangel’s chest and shoving him back a step. “Oh! Brendy, darling. I’m absolutely _thrilled_ to see you.”

“And I’m not. You were your dog, weren’t you?”

“Guilty!” Gabriel beamed and Deanna scowled internally, watching from behind Bren’s eyes. “Oh, come on. You know you like me, lil sis.”

“You are no brother of mine, Gabriel.”

“And you’re a bore. If I could, I would smite you where you stand.” The Archangel smiled wickedly before flicking out of existence. That Gabriel was nothing like Gabriella had been for the most part. Except for the basics. Oh, and rejoicing in their suffering.

Bren returned control to her and she shivered before continuing the trek down the hallway.

_‘Gabriella is gone, Deanna. The rumors remain that Debriel returned her to her prison.’_

“I’d like to trust my counter to have not screwed the pooch but I know how that ends.”

_‘You did your best in an impossible place. Just as I did.’_

“Yeah and look where that got us.”

 _‘Michael.’_ Deanna paused outside the bedroom door that housed this world’s Archangel. It left an ache in her chest as she was reminded of the loss of her own. _Michelle._

“Michael?” She called, knocking on the door carefully.

“Enter.” The voice was raspy and she swallowed before pressing the door open. “Deanna Winchester.” Deanna stepped into the small room. All of the furniture had been removed, a rug on the floor housed a blonde man with vacant sockets where his eyes had once been. Despite that knowledge she could basically see the man staring at her, reading the subtle anxious movements of her Spirit beneath her skin. The Archangel before her possessed Grace, bright flowing light that flooded beneath the skin of the man he was possessing. It was vibrant and intimidating in a way that the other Archangels she had met weren’t.

It didn’t matter that she hadn’t touched angel blood since her resurrection. It was distinctly, vividly clear.

“Sam told me to come here.”

“Did he now?” When Michael tilted his head two glowing globules of light seemed to extend from his torso. Two heads. The first unwrapped itself, rolled and moved backwards so that it was staring at the ceiling. As it came into form the shape became more and more distinct. _The head of a dog_. The second light form did the same until it came into form, coming forward and blinking large reptilian dragon eyes. _The dragon_. It was staring at him, large eyes piercing and glowing as the Grace twisted around, taking its own form.

 ** _“Why do you come here, Deanna Winchester?”_** The voice was strong and confident, nothing of the human body it had all but left behind, the white Grace of the Archangel flooding the room until they were both surrounded in what Deanna might’ve called Nothingness.

_‘Deanna.’_

“Sam. Sam told me you could fix her.” Deanna’s voice shook against her will, as the beast’s head nudged against her face, hot heavy breaths covering her face, blowing against her nearly bald skull. “Michael.”

**_“I can do as you ask, but there will be a price.”_ **

“Yes.”

The dragon head snorted, slimy wetness splashing across her face and making her want to puke as the second head, the dog head coming over alongside the dragon. No, not dog. Wolf. It was a wolf. Round, strong muzzle. Sharp, long teeth.

 ** _“Not that. I don’t need you, Deanna Winchester. I have a perfectly functional Vessel.”_** Functional was a strange term to use for the broken body he possessed, but it didn’t explode so there was function. She supposed.

“What do you want?”

The wolf licked her face, the large tongue leaving a slick nasty trail behind it that she fought every instinct to wipe away.

**_“In the future, I will ask for something from you. A favor that you are going to refuse. You will agree.”_ **

“How will I know when?”

_‘This is a bad idea. Deanna-’_

**_“I will remind you.”_ **

“Then yes. But only if you fix her. Only if you bring her back to me.”

The light bled from the room, the skulls slinking back into Michael’s vessel and leaving her to collapse to her knees with a sharp inhalation.

“She will remember nothing following the moment she was taken.” Michael’s voice was yet again raspy as the empty sockets stared into her, “Enjoy your reward, while it lasts.” Then she was back in the hallway, the door handle gone from the door and leaving her with a twisted feeling in her gut. _She will remember nothing._

 _‘Go.’_ Deanna didn’t think twice before her boots were hitting the tile floors as she ran towards where she would find the one she had just traded something potentially stupid for.

It would be worth it.

.-~*~-.

Cass was staring at the ceiling when Deanna went into the room, yet ­unlike the last time she’d visited the angel seemed coherent. Sort of. She was… distant.

“Cass?”

“Deanna.” The angel responded, looking over at her and biting her lip. “Where are we?”

“We’re… in another reality.” She responded, sitting down on the edge of the couch and resting her hand against the woman’s ankle.

“Interesting.” Castiel focused on her, gaze going through her.

_‘Me.’_

“Taking Michelle’s Vessel. Isn’t that forbidden?”

‘ _Says the one that tried to singlehandedly derail the entire Apocalypse._ ’

“Where is Michelle, Deanna?”

“Sam killed us.” She admitted, looking down at the table and fighting back the bile in her throat. “Then Lucifer brought me back and… I had a few more years. I spent them hunting the bastard but they didn’t want to be found.”

“I- what happened to me? I don’t… they killed me.” God help her she wished it was that simple. Every ounce of her being wished that Castiel had been murdered on that day.

_‘She can’t know.’_

“I’m not very clear on the details but- when I came back to the room… you were dead on the floor. I think Gabriella did it.”

Silence fell between them as Castiel pushed herself into a sitting position, moving forward a bit and letting her wings out. Deanna swallowed as her gaze slid across the crow black wings, singed and burned no doubt from her time with Gabriella.

“How long has it been?”

“I don’t know.” The truth. Deanna didn’t have the first damned clue how long it had been. She knew that in _this_ world it was twenty-twenty two but the offset of timezones between realities meant that it wasn’t something she could use as a basis. It felt like it had been longer. A lot longer.

“I feel… Deanna, I’m sorry.”

“You were right.” She responded, inching closer and pressing her palm against the soft center feathers of the angel wings. “I was just too late, though. He got to her and… well my sister’s gone.”

_“You did nothing wrong.”_

_“No, but I’m about to.” Wings fluttered in the room, a man in his late forties appearing behind Sam. “I’m sorry.”_

_Sam blinked, looked down at her chest as blood pooled across her mostly exposed abdomen, the metal tip of an Archangel blade sticking out of her chest._

_“Deanna.” Sam dropped to her knees, hands coming to her chest as she looked up. “Why?”_

_Deanna was shaky as she crossed the room, dropping to her knees and cupping her sister’s face in her hand. “I’m sorry.”_

_“They’ll kill you for this.” Sam whimpered, curling in on herself and coughing violently._

_“You didn’t pray, though.” Deanna responded, “I’m sorry, Sammy. I am. I’m so sorry.”_

_“Run.” Samantha murmured weakly, “Run. Leave this world, run. Cass-” Sam swallowed, met her gaze, “She’s alive… the plotting world. The ones scheming. I saw her-”_

_“You knew.”_

_“I knew you’d escaped.” Sam choked up blood, tears pooling in her eyes. “Run.”_

“There’s something you aren’t telling me.”

“I- _we_ killed her.”

“What do you mean?” Deanna pulled her hands back and closed her eyes. “Deanna?”

“We killed Sam. Not Lucifer. Lucifer wasn’t with her.”

“I don’t understand.”

So Deanna told her everything- not about Hell and Gabriella’s torture. That was something that she could _not_ tell the angel. But she told her everything about the other world, the world that they had followed Gabriella into and the one where they had ultimately killed Samantha. The world where she had been told that Castiel was still alive.

All she wanted to do was kiss the angel. But she didn’t. Not yet. There was the elephant, the missing elephant. The empty space in her Spirit.

_‘Michelle was her lifemate but she loved you. That said I would prefer not to be present for any funny business.’_

_‘Maybe you should go find Rowena or Crowley. I need some time…’_

_‘Can you hold yourself together that long?’_ Deanna’s Spirit shifted within them and she considered the pros and cons of being parted from the angel that had singlehandedly put her back together. They hadn’t tried it since she was saved.

Sooner or later, it needed to happen.

_‘If anything goes wrong, anything at all… pray.’_

_‘Okay.’_ Breathing deeply, her mouth fell open and the bright light of an angel poured from her, blinding her before completely dissipating.

When she came to there was a hand carding through her hair and she was at an awkward angle, draped across a lap.

“Are you awake?”

“I- yes.” She breathed out, shifting onto her side and rolling over to look up at Castiel who was carefully removing damaged feathers from her wings. “Are you okay?”

“I feel empty. My Spirit is heavily damaged and it won’t respond when I attempt to make contact.” Deanna reached up and took the angel’s hand, pressed her face against the back of Castiel’s hand and closed her eyes. There was a faint thrumming there, subtle and almost dead in comparison to what she’d experienced when she was on the angel blood.

“It’s there.” Deanna said quietly.

“It’s damage.” Castiel repeated. “Why am I alive?”

“I-” Pressing her lips together, she flicked her eyes open, met the blue gaze of the angel. “It was a deal. I made a deal with this world’s Michael.” A half-truth. Castiel had apparently been alive when she came tumbling from the void and into this world but she’d been comatose from the moment it happened.

“What kind of deal, Deanna?” Castiel asked her, tone tense and serious.

“I don’t know yet.” The angel gave her a hard look and she flinched, carefully moved up and ground her teeth together, shutting her eyes and flinching as the imprint of golden eyes danced across her eyelids.

_Sharp, violent, deranged._

_“Oh, Deanna. Deanna, Deanna. I was about ready to let you go- really, I was. But then… well I decided why not have some fun. See, Luce and your sis went through and shredded Heaven’s supply of Spirits. Brother dearest wiped the demons out. Guess I jumped the gun in slaughtering all of Purgatory. Good news is that I’ve got you and Cassie to keep me entertained.”_

“Deanna.” She jolted a bit, head whipping around to stare blankly at the room. As things came into focus she realized she was in the library. Samuel Winchester stood a bit ahead of her, arms crossed over his chest, Mark glowing on his arm. “She’s up.”

“I can see that.” Castiel huffed from in front of her, kneeling down and cupping her face. “Deanna.”

“I’m okay,” She breathed out, biting hard on her cheek.

She didn’t need Bren. She could do this. She’d handled Hell…

“I spoke with Brendiel, Deanna. He says he will come back if you need him. Just…” Deanna didn’t want that sentence finished. She was capable. She _had_ to be capable of protecting herself. Functioning on her own. She’d done it before. It was something she had to be capable of. So she kissed the angel, kissed her deep and it lasted for a good twenty seconds before the angel pulled away with a soft, pained sound. “Deanna- I apologize. I… am sorry but…”

“Don’t apologize,” She responded, “Don’t you dare, Cass. I know. Bren told me. You both told me and…”

“It has been a long time for you, hasn’t it?” Castiel cupped her face.

“A really long time,” She admitted, looking past the angel at Samuel Winchester. “Can I help you?”

“It creeps me out,” He responded, watching the back of Castiel’s head. “Actually, no. It pisses me off.”

Deanna knew enough of this world’s history to know that Samuel and this world’s Castiel had been in a relationship, she also knew that this Samuel was volatile. Helpful, but tense.

“Let’s not do this, Samuel. Different world-“

“I didn’t think he would _actually_ help you.”

“That’s because you’re an asshole.” Deanna struggled to her feet, breathing deeply as she set herself between Castiel and Samuel. “I made a deal.”

“Of course you did,” Samuel scowled, Mark glowing faintly brighter.

“I think it’s time for us to go.”

“You’re right, Deanna. You _can_ go. The both of you can leave.”

“You aren’t serious?”

“I’m suggesting it for your best interest,” Samuel responded, “Call me a pessimist but I’m currently being-“

“Oh, come _on_ , Sammy.” Gabriel’s voice broke the air as he appeared on the table, leaning back, his own Mark gleaming on his arm. “It’s just a Mark. You can behave yourself.”

“This is different-“

“Oh, that’s crap and you know it. There’s a difference between want and need and just because you’re grieving it doesn’t mean you get to bypass any of the other rules. There’s four of us here with that damned thing.”

“That’s not-“

“It totally is. You’re just weak, Sammy.”

Samuel jerked up and spun around to drive a blade that Deanna had seen several times since her arrival straight into the Archangel’s chest. Gabriel frowned, looked down at The First Blade.

“We’re probably lucky I don’t have a soul.” The archangel mused, ripping the thing from his chest and casting a bitter glare on Samuel. “Wouldn’t want me back as a demon. I’d shred you as bad as that psycho cunt Gabriella did my brothers. But how about this? I take that blade as insurance. Less irritable with it gone anyways.”

“Give it back.”

“Ask nicely.”

“I swear-“

“We have a deal here. All of us. You know. Rebel world and all that crap. Fight the power!”

“The power is _dead_.”

“So they say,” Gabriel waved his hand. “If there’s anything I know about me? She won’t stop ‘til she’s dead. They didn’t kill her, they shoved her in a box. Lucifer’s box. A box that only _we_ know how to break out.”

“What are you talking about?”

Gabriel gave them both a long look before settling it back on Samuel. “Gabey, you’re outside. Tell them why you were able to do what you did for them.”

“Am I that obvious?” The rundown ex-archangel from this world came through, actively having chosen to be known as Gabey for the sake of too many people with the same name.

“Nah, you’re just too cute not to miss.” Gabriel winked, crossed his arms over his chest. “So, tell them. Do tell. Pretty please with sugar on top?”

“You’re such a child.” Gabey crossed the space and sat down beside Gabriel on the table, looking at them. “We’re God’s Messenger but we also hold the Horn of the Apocalypse. Not some stupid little spell but the secrets. From the moment that it starts, we know how to start it. There’s only a couple worlds where that’s different.”

“Hi,” Gabriel beamed, twinkling his fingers.

“We know every way in, and every way out.”

“I thought there wasn’t a way _out_ of the Cage. Not from the inside,” Deanna interjected, blinking away the burning image of golden eyes, nothing at all like these two. So _different_.

_Dangerous._

_“Deanna,” Gabriella sang, humming happily and clapping her hands together in front of her. “Oh, my sweet little sister-in-law. Welcome back. I know. I know you were happy in Heaven. But see. Playing with innocents? Ones I don’t know? It just doesn’t have the same feel. So you and me. We’re going to do this. Nice and long. So buckle in.”_

“Earth to Deanna. You there, sugar?”

“I- I’m here.” She cringed away from the golden gaze of Gabriel as a wicked smile curled on his mouth.

“Good girl.” She kicked the archangel in the gut and breathed a sigh of relief when he stumbled back, grabbing his crotch. “Bitch!”

“Oops. I missed.”

“Someone needs to fill her angel in. She’s falling apart.”

“I’m _fine_.”

“Says the one that’s blacked out twice since the angel possessing her ass left oh… three hours ago, Samuel?”

“She’s right, Deanna.” Sighing, Samuel crossed his arms over his chest as Castiel closed her eyes. “It’s not worth your pride.”

“Nice to know we’re all buddy buddy now.”

“Dude.” Samuel gave her a long look and she flinched, thought of Samantha before everything went to hell.

“You’re a jerk.” Samuel flinched. “Would dick be a better insult?”

“Honestly? Yes, Deanna. For the sake of _everyone_ involved don’t call me a jerk. Okay?”

“I can do that.”

“Bren is on his way, Deanna.”

“I told you not to call him, Cass.” The look Deanna gave her was one that could kill.

“I have been awake for less than three hours and you have blacked out twice. I don’t know what happened to you but from what I have been told, you weren’t blacking out before Brendiel left you.”

“I wasn’t stable, Cass.”

“You were better.” Gabey interjected crossing his arms over his chest.

“Really? You noticed something past the pot cloud that follows your ass around?”

“That’s not how it is.”

“Oh, no? You don’t spend all your fucking time hiding in your room getting high with Lucifer and _Artemis_?”

“Just because I enjoy something it doesn’t _mean_ I’m oblivious and your trying to distract from the current problem.”

“What’s it matter whether I’m in or out?”

“The rules, Deanna. Everyone has to die in their world. The reapers don’t know what to do with us when we die and Death’s in the wind. What if one of these episodes kills you?”

Deanna swallowed and closed her eyes.

She hated when they were right.

 _Yes._ She prayed softly, breathing deeply when warmth flooded her system.

_‘I shouldn’t go again. You’re in bad shape.’_

_‘I’m not helpless.’_

_‘You’re more helpless than you’ll ever admit.’_ Bren responded, their Spirits wrapping around each other. _‘Have you considered that maybe some angel blood will help?’_

_‘My Spirit is damaged, Bren. It’s not just going to magically get better. I have to deal. I dealt with Hell.’_

_‘Hell wasn’t a deranged Archangel. There’s a reason you aren’t a demon.’_

It didn’t matter how many times Brendiel explained that, all it meant to her was that she’d suffered more than she should have.

“Brendiel?”

“I am here, Castiel.”

“I want to thank you.” Castiel responded, “For protecting her for all of these years.”

“Considering that I got her on the good stuff after Lucifer was freed I kind of owed her. Oh, and she let me live. Life for a life.”

“Or you’re in love with her,” Gabriel chimed in and Deanna internally scowled at the Archangel.

“If only it was that simple.” A smile broke their face, “So, Michael has proven that he’s capable. Why don’t we just make him help.”

“Why don’t the two of you go home? You know how to get there.” Samuel suggested.

“Our world is eternally shrouded in Darkness, the only living thing left there is the psycho in her Cage.”

“What did they do?” Castiel asked softly, “Deanna, I need to know everything that happened after I died. I need to know everything.”

Looking at the Gabriels, Deanna retook their body from Bren, moved her attention to Samuel then back to Castiel.

“I guess we should do this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So just a fun little tidbit. The universe that they’re stationed in. The “rebel world” is loosely based off of All Is Fair In Life and War which I technically originally wrote to have a baseline for this fic before it ran away from me. The details aren’t exactly the same anymore but fun fact.


	4. NOTE from author.

As of this moment, this and FSIFY have both been marked as abandoned projects. Non-canon aspects of the Falling universe.

I had a lot of thought about whether or not I wanted to do this and I eventually decided that I don't like it. I don't enjoy it. And it was a trainwreck. I'm willing to admit when I've made a mistake, and here I have. I'm posting a new epilogue for FITHOTM shortly and maybe, one day, that standalone will get a proper sequel of its own. But as things stand now, the only fics that are canon in this fan universe are FITHOTM, FIMWTO, and FAATC. Not even necessarily as part of the same world. They're their own little projects now. I do have regrets, but creating both of these little timelines are not one of them.

That's about all, so thank you to anyone that actually stuck around to here and I apologize to anyone that wanted more. (I don't think anyone wanted more.)

**Author's Note:**

> In my Twitter account [@IAmFayTheGay](https://twitter.com/iamfaythegay) you can follow for updates on all things to do with my writing and all that. It’s focused on that so you can find the information there. 
> 
> Also, I have been dabbling music edits for SPN which exist under [The Archangel of Life](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnPTsdSg6xfJDFhEvzMJ5qA) on YouTube 
> 
> If you have ever heard of the Discord app then awesome, if you haven't, then you should get it. Technically it's directed at gamers but I created a community on it for SPN fans. The permanent invite is [HERE](https://discord.gg/5UnfnzU). Hope to see you there!


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